I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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