Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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