She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
