bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
