How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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