I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Shame - the story of my life.
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