I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
