I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
