No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
