Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
either way he was missing a nipple.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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