So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
