Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
should my penis look like a turkey
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
