Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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