Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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