she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Rumble strips road head = magical
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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