proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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