Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
