I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
