I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
