We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
