Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize