U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
