he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
