Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
try to milk me bitch
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