He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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