Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize