I think my vagina is haunted
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
