P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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