I hate your face
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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