2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just got carded by a ten year old.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
