How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
