I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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