Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
