As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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