When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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