im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my being single is dangerous.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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