im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
