did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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