ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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