so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
