pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
