dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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