Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
