even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
