Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
