This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
