Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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