thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
