I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
