My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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