No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
