He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We need to feng shui this bitch.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
